I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just had sex on a roof
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
