3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
