What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
