I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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