Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
