you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
