I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
