The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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