i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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