Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Randomize
