I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
