This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
