haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
