True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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