Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
