Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Found the puke drawer
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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