I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
