I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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