Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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