i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i would one night stand the shit outta him
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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