Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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