Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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