If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
