Rock
Scissors
Fuck
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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