marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
