i already hear my dad disowning me
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
