You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She even gives head with a lisp.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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