based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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