I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
