You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
