dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
