if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
