I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
