Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
