9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
