Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
