I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
