I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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