Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
