i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
