i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i just had sex bonerless
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
