Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
