You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just forgot I was standing up.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
