can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
