Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
