My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
