Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
