no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
