She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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