yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
