I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
