im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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